Thursday, March 28, 2013

why my neighbor hates me.

It only started the other day when I was walking Claire. He was leaving for work and happened to come outside while she was peeing in his front yard. He just lit into me and started railing about how dog owners need to pick up the poop and all that, and every time I tried to interject that IT WAS PEE, he just got louder and louder! I have this bad habit of being sarcastic when I get upset (seriously, sometimes it's just the wrong timing), so when he took a breath to continue his diatribe, I said, "I'm sorry sir, but I haven't been instructed on how to adequately pick up dog pee." He got really quiet and then said, "Oh. It was just pee?" Right.

Then on Tuesday, we went for a walk when I got home from work. All of a sudden, I had this horrible tickle in my throat (maybe I inhaled a bug?) that was just at that spot where you can't exactly breathe but if you cough, you're going to gag. Well. I just happen to be unfortunate enough to have an extremely sensitive gag reflex. I didn't have a choice but to cough, but when I did, I immediately started gagging - and it was so awful that tears actually started running down my face as I sputtered and choked. Of course, it wasn't long before I was actually throwing up. In the midst of all this, I looked over at Claire and she was just sitting there on the sidewalk watching birds and pretending that she didn't know me. Then I heard someone yell, and I realized that I was puking in Angry Man's front yard. And he was home. And he saw me. And he was pissed. I offered to borrow his garden hose and spray down his yard, but nope, that didn't help the situation...

But thaaaaat's not all. On today's walk, As we passed Angry Man's house, Claire saw an Angry Cat in his yard. So she spent a solid 15 minutes planted on the sidewalk in front of his house having a staring contest with Angry Cat. Believe me, I tried to move her along (though halfheartedly because it was a gorgeous day and I really didn't mind stopping for a bit). But then I noticed that Angry Man was peeking through the blinds watching as Claire tried to befriend/eat/play (I'm not really sure about her motives when it comes to cats) with Angry Cat. So when I caught his eye, adrenaline kicked in and I half carried and half dragged Claire away.

I think we need to change our walking route.


  1. Omy goodness. That's borderline sitcom material. I hope the episodes lessen and that Grumpy Neighb lightens up. Situational comedy jinx!

  2. God, the "choke on your own spit" coughing is the WORST.

    One of my coworkers once had an angry neighbor chase and try to yell at her after one of the dogs peed in said neighbor's yard. My coworker, normally a quiet and kind of meek person, ended up yelling right back.

  3. Me and Max don't like angry man....maybe if angry man gave Claire a chance he would be happy man!!! Urr! Life is too short for angry man humans! Not being very neighborly is he?! Maybe tell him that he can puke in your yard if that makes him feel better :) - what a putz! Ok, maybe be nice and buy his cat a treat...something loud and annoying :) :)