new beginnings.

For those of you who don't know, I'm a pediatric medical social worker. I went through college and grad school with the goal of eventually working at Boston Children's Hospital. When I finished my master's program, I moved out to Denver for a few years, and then stumbled into Nashville. I've been here for a little over three years, and it becomes more and more like home with each passing day. I've been working at a hospital down here, and I can honestly say that I love my job. I love counseling patients and their families, I love sharing compassion and empathy, and I love helping people in their time of need. It's what I was put on this earth to do.

This is why it's so hard to admit - even to myself - that I've turned in my letter of resignation. Over the past year, I've realized that, in pouring myself into others' lives, I have very little energy (emotional and physical) left for my own. I've invested in good self-care and made sure that every professional boundary was put into place in order to protect myself... But no one can work in this field and have it not affect them in some way -- unless they aren't human. I hope to get back to the clinical side of things some day, but for now, I need to focus on my own quality of life. I need to have a job that allows me to fully engage in the things that bring me joy. Heaven knows that there is enough brokenness in this world, and my spirit is very sensitive to that as it is.

And so, I am moving on. I will be working with a new company, still here in Nashville, and I am very excited about this opportunity. My hope is that, when I'm not at work, I will now have energy to live my life. Claire has played a big part in keeping me going this year, and as I begin to feel better, my hope is that she'll be the one trying to keep up with me from now on! So here's to the next chapter and new beginnings!
 

the breaking point and bouncing back.

Well friends, if I am completely honest, this week did not start off well. Yesterday was somewhat of a disaster, and I was so stressed out even after I left work. It was one of those days where life knocks you down every hour upon the hour, so I really just wanted to get home to Claire, crawl under the covers, and forget about all that had happened.

Of course it didn't come easily...

I was a mile away from my house when a cop pulled me over for going 40mph in a 30mph zone. Awesome. And after a long day of terrible, I had reached my breaking point. When he approached my window, I laid my head on the steering wheel. And before he could say anything, I burst into tears. Let me give you a recap of what happened next:

Me [sobbing]: "This has been the WORST day EVER. And this is just the icing on the cake. I can't even begin to tell you. This is awful. This day sucks. I just want to go home. I just want my dog. I just want to snuggle with my DOG!!"
Officer: "What happened in your day that was so bad?"
Me [still crying]: "How much time do you have? Do you just want to get in my car so I can tell you about it? I'm guessing you want my license and registration, too!"
Officer: "No, don't worry about it. I'm not going to give you a ticket."
Me: "I wasn't even trying to speed. I've been actively trying to not speed. I even use my cruise control on side streets to prevent this from happening."
Officer: "Yeah, those Hondas can really get away from you..."
Me [splotchy and sniffly]: "...Is that sarcasm?"
Officer: "Yes. But hey, you're not crying anymore, so it worked. Now slow down, drive safely, and get home to cuddle with your puppy. It sounds like that's just what you need."

God gave me a break in the form of a compassionate police officer, but He also brought some peace to the craziness of the day in the form of my little one. I finally made it home - without a speeding ticket - and gave myself a solid hour of quiet with Claire curled up next to me. The officer was right: all I needed was some time with Claire to pull myself together. And then I was able to carry on...
   

inspired resolutions.

Okay, so, as I typed in the title for this post, I remembered that my friend Lauree encouraged me to call resolutions PLANS instead - you're working toward these things, so it only makes sense. But you know what? I'm going to keep the title, simply because it sounds better! [Forgive me, Lauree?!] I have been thinking about this post for the past week, during which I sadly said goodbye to my family and drove 20+ hours back to Nashville with Claire. Now that it's New Year's Day, I'm ready to share this post with you all!

I have a number of plans for 2012, and I am convinced that it is going to be a year of growth and blessings, both of which I am excited for. I'm not going to share all of these plans with you because, let's be honest, some just aren't relevant to this blog. I am going to share a few that are inspired by Claire, though:

1. Work out every day. Even if it's a 2-mile walk with Claire, I need to get out there and get in shape. Everyone is always commenting on how lean Claire is, and that's because I make time for her to get out there and run - it's important for her health, and she loves to do it! I may not love to exercise (give me a comfy couch, a blanket, and a book any day), but it's important for my health, so I'm going to grin and bear it!
2. Spend 15-20 minutes training Claire each day. Not only will this be fun for the both of us, but it will help build Claire's confidence. My poor girl is a bit anxious, so I need to do my part to help her overcome that.
3. Be more positive. I was telling someone the other day that I wish I could be as happy as Claire is. Dogs are happy 99% of the time. I'm going to really work on reframing negative thoughts so that I can be happier overall.
4. Continue blogging at least twice a week, but work up to three posts per week on a consistent basis by the end of 2012. I started this blog to keep a journal of sorts about Claire's awesomeness, but it's morphed into something bigger - any blogger knows that a huge part of it is building relationships and sharing stories/ideas with others who have similar interests. I want to do my part to keep the conversation going with you all!
5. Work up to two photo shoots per month, consistently. I want to get my pet photography business going, but realistically, with my job, I can only do this on the weekends right now. I've been picking up extra weekend shifts lately, so I can only feasibly do two shoots a month at this time. But hey, everyone's got to start somewhere, right?

So, faithful readers, I'm going to need you to hold me accountable to working on these things hroughout the year - and I want to do the same for you. Leave a comment to share your goals/plans for 2012 below!

  

my 409216th embarrassing moment.

Embarrassing moments tend to find me. I think they seek me out. Over the years I've gotten pretty good at learning to roll with it, to follow it up with a sarcastic comment, and to laugh at my own expense. But the other day I just couldn't think fast enough and did the one thing that makes any embarrassing moment that much worse: I turned fifty shades of red.

As some of you know, when I'm not hanging out with Claire, blogging, or on a shoot, I spend my days working with kids. Babies, to be more specific. Sweet and angelic (but very very sick) babies. I love my job, I love my kiddos, and I love helping their families get through tough times. Most of the babies I work with are patients for quite awhile, so naturally I get to know their families pretty well. The other day was one of celebration for one of my patients - she got to go home. I was checking in with the family before they left to make sure they didn't need anything else. I leaned over the crib to say goodbye to this little angel and said... [wait for it]...

"Bye sweet baby dog."

Oh. Good. Heavens. A term of endearment that I use with Claire. A term that I frequently use with Claire. So frequently that it just popped out when I was talking to a BABY. In front of her FAMILY. I'm pretty sure that the family thought I said "baby doll" - which was very much what I intended - but I was mortified. I felt the color rush to my face and so I did what any embarrassed girl would do: I pretended that I didn't look like a beet and I just kept the conversation going as if nothing happened.

I need some new nicknames to take the place of that one. This cannot happen again.

a new calling?

A few months ago, my friend Denise and I were chatting about movie recommendations. I had just signed up for Netflix, and, knowing how much I love dogs, Denise brilliantly suggested that I watch Hotel for Dogs. She saw it with her [absolutely adorable] children, and they all loved it. That was enough for me: I immediately added it to my cue. It finally arrived at my house earlier this week. Claire and I were watching it last night (really, she loves movies/shows about dogs and barks back at the characters) and Lissa came into my room wondering why she kept hearing "Awww! That is SO CUTE!!" over and over again.

Friends... I think I found a new calling. There are daycare centers for dogs, dog rescues, dog kennels, dog shelters... But has anyone taken this idea and run with it? A hotel for dogs. It's a genius idea! Finding a big building shouldn't be too hard. All I really need is for someone to build the awesome contraptions in the movie:

A station of toilets for dogs that bags the "business",

seals it up, and transports it to a chute leading to a dumpster.

 A feeder that ensures that all dogs

get their exact portions delivered in their bowl on a conveyor belt.

 Robotic sheep for the dogs who like to herd.

Seat warmers for the pampered dog at the on-site spa.

A car ride simulation for those who like to stick their head

out the window to let the wind blow through their fur.

The producers of this movie were seriously onto something...

Now who's with me?

  

  

a possible career for claire?

Every morning, when I am getting ready for work, I tell Claire that it would be great if she could work for me so that I could stay and rest for her. A friend showed me this video tonight, and my first thought was: this is the perfect job for Claire! Check it out! Also, and most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!